Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
