Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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