i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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