I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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