i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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