You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
