can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
