the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You may now shotgun with the bride
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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