Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
