her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
