I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
