Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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