I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
