I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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