it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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