it wasn't lemon gatorade
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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