When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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