I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
