How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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