Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
