I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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