he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
