Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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