you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
