you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
