: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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