I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
