You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
