insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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