The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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