who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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