i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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