Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
