thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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