I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
