I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
