omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
