Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
