I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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