We named our party play list daddy issues
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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