I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
