Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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