I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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