remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
