my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
