Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
