return my video game
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
