Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
