Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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