im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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